Hand Held Hell

Over the years there have been many, many handheld (or indeed tabletop in some really old cases) consoles. I've bought a few; but it hasn't been until recently that I've really enjoyed them.

The Olden Days

Way back at the dawn of time, handhelds consisted on LED, battery sucking machines that only played one game. The games being generally crappola too.
People of a certain maturity will recall numerous Pac Man clones, some even LCD so the eight batteries you rammed into the handheld lasted up to 40 minutes and game you RSI from the strain. I recall with some fondness some of the Grandstand "table top" games. You could theoretically rest these things on your lap; but a solid surface was required to move the joystick. I say "joystick", although it was more like a really short nail, held in place by an industrial strength spring mechanism. Pain ahoy.
Nintendo were good back then as I recall numerous Game & Watch games that my friend had (I could never afford such a luxury). Parachute and Ambulance as well as Oil Panic are the ones I still remember with fondness. For all their limitations, the design and basic gameplay still hold up quite well today (just look at the Game Boy Micro).

I also liked the Tomytronic 3D games: Shark Attack, Sky Attack and the driving one. In fact, I bough Sky Attack a couple of years ago, just for the nostalgia. Nothing beats standing under a light, drooling as you hold cheap looking pair binoculars to your eyes while pressing left, right, left, left FIRE.

Game Boy; was it really all that good?

Yes, I bought an original brick of a Game Boy in order to feed my Zelda habit after completing A Link to the Past on my SNES. It's probably a design classic, although it's still a brick. It's the screen that I hated; and I mean hated with a passion. Who wants to look at black(ish) smears moving around a yellow(ish) square? Awful. You can't deny that Tetris on the 'Boy was good, so I recently purchased a nice Game Boy pocket for my wife to play it on. The Pocket was lighter, smaller and the monochrome screen was actually quite nice. The machine in general was just too primitive for me.

On the other hand, you had a choice of the doomed Atari Lynx or the Sega Game Gear. Again, I never bothered with either at the time; but have since got myself a Game Gear just to have a look. Cobblers is the answer. It's damned chunky and the colour screen appears to be a blurry postage stamp of some kind. Technically the Lynx was the best of the bunch and still has its supporters; just not me.

The Game Boy is dead; long live the Game Boy (Advance)

So this was it, a hand held with power to rival one of my favourite consoles (the might SNES). Bought on launch day and played for several weeks, then due to my going blind straining to see what was happening on Castlevania, discarded. Who thought it was a good idea to sell a machine where you needed to sit directly under fluorescent lighting to have any idea what was killing you on screen, was a good idea?

Still, they put it right with the quite nice SP version. Taking design cues from their earlier Game & Watch machines.

Modern day gaming on the move (or toilet)

Since the Lynx and Game Gear expired, Nintendo had the market almost to themselves (save for a few exceptions: see below). The market was big. Damn big, so thanks to Pokemôn, Sony decided to get in on the action. Enter the PSP and Nintendo's DS.

Which is better, PSP or DS? Never since the C64/Spectrum wars of the 80's has opinion been so divided (sort of). I've covered these two consoles elsewhere on the site; but for me the DS is the winner. I love my DS Late.

The hand held wilderness

This is where portable gaming gets interesting. There have been many machines produced to compete with the Nintendo entries in the market, none of which managed to dent their dominance.

PC Engine GT
No I don't have one of these, so can't go into any detail other than to say I really wish I did have one. It takes the very capable 8Bit PC Engine and shrank it into a very sexy little hand held. Maybe one day...

Wonderswan
Yep, I bought one of these a few years ago, mainly out of curiosity and I thought it looked cool. To be honest, it's not really worth tracking down as most of the games are in Japanese and virtually unplayable to mono-lingual idiots like me. However, Gunpei put in its first appearance here and will soon be appearing on PSP and DS. It met with some success in Japan due to its inexpensiveness and Final Fantasy ports; it eventually spawned the Wonderswan Crystal.

GP32
Don't ask. Popular with developer types and emulator player. Not me.

Virtual Boy
Oh Nintendo, why?

Neo Geo Pocket
The machine started off life as a monochrome console and realising the error of their ways, it was soon changed to a nice colour screen. This is a class machine that deserved more support and recognition. 'Tis the daddy. It was SNK that made most of the games as well as the hardware and I thank them for making the best thumb stick ever created on a portable. I know Nintendo have their classic "d-pad", it's just not as easy to use that the SNK control. It's just as well the stick was so good as SNK (as you would expect) put out mostly fighting games: SNK vs. Capcom being the best, and I recon it's still the best hand held fighter available. Other games to look out for would be Card Fighters Clash (SNK or Capcom versions), Sonic, either Metal Slug game or plenty more.